Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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