so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
