Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i love accidental penises.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
