So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
