i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
