i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
