I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
