I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
