seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
