I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize