She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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