I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
