So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
