I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
