I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How naked do you want me to be?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
