he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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