he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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