You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The air taste purple.
Randomize
