I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
