they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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