just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
