At least make sure they are 18
Why
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
