Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
