Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
