Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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