there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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