i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
