So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
