Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
