also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
