I looked at my own cervix.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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