4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
