i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
