I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
