Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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