Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
