I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
