No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
