Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
