We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
