there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
