Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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