I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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