don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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