What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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