Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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