I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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