I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
