Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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