Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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