i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
