I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
