he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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