college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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