:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
