And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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