How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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