So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize