I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
