When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hippo gnu deer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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