boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
