Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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