we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
