Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
