Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
