If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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