people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
