okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
