Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
