did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
