fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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