Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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