If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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