All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
