Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
