I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
