the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
smell my finger.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
