i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
