I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
